These are my teachers comments. Please revise and edit included essay accordingly.
I commented on grammatical, stylistic, and formatting issues through the first page, or the first occurrence. I expect you to identify similar issues throughout the rest of the paper and address them. I marked many of these issues with a highlight, but did not distinguish the issue. If you have any questions about the reason for any mark, please come see me.
Do a more complete analysis of one text rather than trying to include both
Tendency to wordiness
Reading your work aloud can help to eliminate awkward phrasing, word choice issues and clarify punctuation use
Please use Chicago Manual of Style for citations; check www.chicagomanualofstyle.org for templates
Missing citations
Remember your audience
I strongly suggest having someone else review your work for readability, word choice, clarity, and concision.
I stopped commenting about midway through the second page; the language is too convoluted and indirect to effectively convey meaning. You use ten words where two will convey clearer meaning, and your analysis gets lost in unclear phrasing.
I appreciate that you are analyzing 18th century philosophical treatises, but your language, word choice, and stylistic choices should be your own, rather than mirroring the subject matter.