Sophomore year

 

Caring for grandma with dementia

 

Step-dad and mom split

 

Mom tried to kill herself (Don’t be too explicit)

 

Mom fell into deep depression having to maintain household alone (poverty level)

 

I had to step up into the position of “man of the house” as a 15 year old

-ubered to school since mom was under so much medication it was physically impossible to drive

-stayed up deep into most nights cleaning my grandmother after sad attempts to use the restroom/picking her up off the floor

 

Around October, four days after my 16th birthday, my biological father (who really only spent time with me when it was very convenient) moved overseas to Luxembourg.No warning.

He explained to me that “I was a man now” —– I’m first generation so this train of thought isn’t unusual for a typical Moroccan man like my dad.

 

Life flipped upside down and, similar to my mother, I also fell into the rabbit hole of suicidal thoughts.

 

Sure I went through a cutting phase but soon realized that I wasn’t angry at myself, I was angry at the hand I was served. I went AWOL and started reading tons of philosophy (Shortness of life  Scenica ) and even self-help books with a goal of hacking the rest of my life – optimizing it.

 

Now while staying up late, I didn’t lay in bed waiting for my grandmother to screech for help, but instead worked on whatever it was I wanted to learn – example: measuring my ketone levels to get into a ketogenic state while fasting (something I learned with my books that many CEOs do to ensure good health/ live to 90+) or establishing morning routines to gain control on my life which was seemingly hitting the fan.

 

Eventually my mom found evidence of self harm from months previously, and had me taken to a psychiatrist. I have bipolar disorder.