The thesis statement gives an indication of the focus of the analysis, however, there are lines in the primary source which should have been included in order to fully explain the thesis.  Further references to the secondary source would have made the analysis more effective.  The organization of the essay was acceptable and followed a logical order.  Please consult MLA guidelines for the proper method of citing lines quoted from a short story, within the text, and formatting Works Cited.  I found some errors in the writing which should have been caught and corrected during proofreading, but none were very serious.  Please check the essay for my corrections/suggestions. You can find a detailed explanation of my corrections/suggestions by clicking on Simple Markup/All Markup.

 

Thesis: Thesis statement indicates stance, with some idea of direction toward analysis.
Development: Offers a pretty strong approach toward analysis and development of points. Good initial close reading of quotes, but could use some elaboration while focusing on demonstrating thesis statement. Integrates material from the secondary source. Meets page requirement.
Organization: Contains an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.  Most points distinct from each other, with some revising needed; however, the flow of points is pretty sound.
MLA Format: Quotes and sources are properly formatted and cited. The document contains many of the following MLA formatting details: double-spacing, headers with page numbers, paragraph indents, correctly cited and formatted works cited page.
Annotated Bibliography: Meets many: Offers thorough descriptive summary of the sources used in essay in 4-5 sentences; explains how it follows criteria for academic research. Provides correct citation following MLA guidelines. Correctly formatted, with a hanging indent, double-spacing.  Primary text must be included in the Annotated Bibliography.
One Paragraph Summation: Summation offers developed and clear insight into writing process and analysis. 1 paragraph long.
Grammar, Style, Mechanics: Writing is mostly polished. Clear writing mostly observes correct grammar, effective and clear style (use of concise and formal language; use of third person only), with no typos.